Ouran Proposals
by Clayton Overstreet
Summary: Graduation is coming and the guys make their moves... with fairly predictable results.


I do not own these characters or profit from them.

Ouran Proposals

By, Clayton Overstreet

Some people feel that high school never ends. When you grow up you hang out with the same people. Book reports and homework are replaced with paperwork and deadlines. Nobody ever grows up.

Sitting in the host club on the last day of school before graduation Haruhi certainly felt like she had been in high school forever, even though it had only been one year. Tamaki slithered over to her and said, "I'll bet you were really surprised to learn that we'll also be going to college at Ouran for the next three years rather than going off to other schools, weren't you Haruhi?"

"Not really," she said calmly. "I mean I didn't go through all of that to keep you from closing the club and running off with your fiancé because I thought you would be graduating in a few weeks later. I didn't go through all of that because I was in love with you or anything."

"You…didn't?" He turned pale and looked heartbroken.

She snorted. "Of course not. Let's face facts, with a few exceptions the kids in this school live in a totally isolated world of their own. I won't say it's like you don't live in the real world, but your families are so rich and connected it's like you live in a different real world than everyone else. It's like another country. Besides I'm probably going to go to college here too. I am an honor student; did you think I didn't know how the school was structured?"

Hikaru said, "Do you think Haruhi is an idiot boss?"

"Yeah, she's smart enough that they gave her a scholarship, so of course she knows that the school also contains a college," Kaoru added.

"She's not a child," they said together.

Tamaki waved his hands. "No! Haruhi is totally smart! I don't think she's an idiot!"

Haruhi just sniffed. Maybe that was true, but sometimes they all acted like it. Though she had learned it was mostly culture clash. Like their inability to find a supermarket. "Too bad I can't say the same." She pointed at him. "Sempai you may be sticking around, but you need to think of the future." She looked around at the other third years. "You all should. You've all had the best tutors and teachers for years. Now that you're entering college though, you need to decide what you really want to do for the rest of your lives and work toward it.

"You Sempai are slated to eventually take over this entire school. If you spend the next three years just focusing on the host club like you have been, at best you'll be suited to be an etiquette teacher and the chairman will probably hand the school of to someone else."

He shrugged. "Then that's the way it will be."

Kyoya looked up from his clipboard and said, "Keep in mind unlike me Tamaki never really cared much about his father's opinion of him. In fact it's knowing him that allowed me to break out of that mindset myself. Even if his father cut him off, with the education and connections he's cultivated here Tamaki would not have to worry about being cut off at all. Not that his father can anymore, since everyone knows his history. It would be social suicide."

That was true. Tamaki only lived with his father because he had been taken from his mother as part of an agreement. Haruhi switched tactics. "I know, but think of it from the girls' perspective. Tamaki's antics might be cute for high schoolers, but he's going to be in college now and then an adult. Women are going to expect some maturity from him. Plus I'm sure his mother would want him to grow up a bit too."

Tamaki fell over clutching his chest. "Ah!"

"Ouch, low blow Haru-chan," Honey said. Mori nodded his agreement. "You know Miss Éclair is flying his mother in for graduation. It'll be the first time they've seen each other for a while."

Haruhi nodded. "Exactly my point. I understand that as a child he was at the whims of his family, but he's a grown man entering college. He should be the one deciding if he sees his mother and when." She looked at Tamaki. "Sempai if you want I can get you her contact information."

"Y-you can?"

"Sure. Miss Éclair has been spending a lot of time at my house."

All of them gasped. "She has?" Haruhi nodded. "Sure. She and my dad got engaged last week. Didn't you know?"

Kyoya nodded "Naturally I did. But I thought it best to wait for the formal announcement."

Haruhi smiled nervously. "Uh, even if there was one, something tells me you guys don't get the local newspaper."

Tamaki stomped in front of her. "How did my ex-fiancé end up marrying a thirty-five year old tranny?!" He paused. "I mean your father's a good man and a nice woman, but…"

"It's sort of your fault," Haruhi said. "I just wanted to stop you from quitting school and closing the host club, but you broke off the engagement. She was totally into you and thought I was stealing you or something, so she came over to my house to talk to me. I was explaining things when she noticed my mother's picture and started asking about my life…"

Haruhi had told Éclair about her mother and how her father had stepped up since she had died. The way he worked so hard that Haruhi had to exclude him from school functions just to make sure he got rest. Not to mention how similar he was to Tamaki. Ranka had arrived home just then and as soon as the two had made eye contact it was love at first sight. Éclair had no problem with the fact that he was dressed as a woman and the subject had never come up.

"Like I was saying we're getting to the point where girls like more mature men," Haruhi said.

Tamaki pouted. "Well that's fine. But come on, it's not like the rest of the guys here have decided what to do with their lives yet."

"Actually I'm planning to become a private detective," Kyoya said, adjusting his glasses.

Mori added, "Honey and I are taking over our family dojos. College is a luxury for us. I'm planning on taking nursing classes."

Honey nodded. "Right. I'm only going to college to learn to be a patisserie and make my own deserts."

Tamaki looked at the twins who said in unison, "We're only finishing our first year. Still we're thinking of becoming treasure hunter."

"T-treasure hunters?" Tamaki pictured them dressed as pirates digging up chests of gold.

Hikaru nodded. "There are plenty of treasures in the world, if you know where to look and have the resources to find them."

Kaoru added, "We might even hire Kyoya to help us look for likely spots."

Haruhi said, "And you know I'm planning on being a lawyer. Not only should I get a great education here, but I'm making all kinds of contacts."

"Contacts? For what?"

"Well in just the host club alone I suspect one day I'll be defending all of you on all kinds of charges," Haruhi said. "And probably with several divorces too." The whole group flinched as if stabbed.

Kyoya said, "I assume I can expect a discount on your services?"

Haruhi smirked. "I don't know how you expect to pay me at all. After I send you to jail for extortion."

"Extortion? I believe you owe us…"

"For what?" She asked innocently.

"For the vase you…"

"What vase?" Haruhi asked. "Did you keep any evidence that such a vase existed?" He blinked. "Did you make me sign anything? As I understand it you probably swept all the pieces into the trash. Even then you have only the host club's word that it ever existed. In any case I never actually signed anything and everything you've had me do qualifies as a combination of extortion and bullying, either one of which could get you expelled and possibly jailed. Especially when you threatened to get me kicked out of school for having a side job despite I never took payment and I've seen you doing work for the same person and your family's company or implied that I somehow owe Tamaki for my scholarship, even though I clearly earned it."

"Do you have any proof of that?"

She looked at the twins who held up pens. Together the two of them unscrewed the tops revealing recording devices. "Naturally we agreed to work for her." Kyoya growled.

"Meanwhile we did form a legally binding oral contract that indicated that all debts, an exact figure never having been named at the time, would be forgiven if I entertained one hundred women for the host club. Though you unilaterally declared it to be one thousand. I've actually done more than either number now." She steepled her fingers. "This means you probably owe me extra money in addition to everything you've made off my image and by selling my personal possessions. Not to mention for my hosting duties since the actual agreement only stated that I needed to get the customers, not that you could keep the money. I'll expect payment in full before the end of the day tomorrow."

Kyoya flinched. "You do owe…"

"Nothing. I signed nothing. I agreed to nothing, though I went along with it. You used my name and image. I could sue you for ten times what you actually owe me. In addition as the only female in the group I could claim you haven't paid me for my host work due to sexual discrimination." She smiled brightly, sparkles filling the air. "But as my friend I'll let it slide this one time."

Hissing through his teeth he adjusted his glasses. "I assume a check will be acceptable?"

She smiled. "Certainly." She stood up and stretched. "Well you may be graduating, but I still have to study. I'll see you guys for our last host club meeting of the year." She waved on her way out. "Have fun boys."

When she was gone the twins said, "We're so putting her on retainer when she's a real lawyer."

"I suppose I should too," Kyoya said. "If only to save myself money in the long run." He glared. "Especially with you two traitors running around."

Honey said, "Do you really think we'll all need her for getting divorced?"

They all paused and thought about it. The twins pictured some pretty girls slapping them and complaining about the tricks they played. Unable to take it. Or one girl unable to choose between them. Kyoya pictures a gold digger announcing she had only married him for his money. Or another, thinking he only liked her because of what he could get from her. Mori imagined a woman stomping out with a suitcase, complaining that he never spoke to her while Honey imagined a girl crying about how he loved cake more than her.

"You guys are all doomed," Tamaki said. They all looked at him. Each one imagining a string of women slapping him and storming off as he flirted with every girl who crossed his path. "Hey, don't imagine that!" he touched his chest. "I would never cheat on my official girlfriend. Let alone my wife."

"You know I believe him," Kyoya said.

"Me too," Hikaru said.

Kaoru said, "Absolutely."

"You do?"

"Of course," they all said.

Mori said, "Because when you do get into a relationship you'll probably end up as your girl's dog."

"Yep," Honey said wisely. "You like having so many girls around you because you'll end up a doormat if you get into a serious relationship."

"I-I will?"

"Definitely," the twins said.

Kyoya said, "With your past in the club it's clear that any woman will still think you're a ladies' man so she'll probably be very strict and jealous too."

"Men too." Honey smiled. "Either way you go, you'll end up a slave."

"You'll see less daylight than the Black Magic club president," Renge said nodding. "Like a trophy."

Tamaki jumped. "When did you get here?!" She laughed. "But… but…" He swallowed. "Haruhi would never treat someone like that."

Kyoya nodded. "That at least is true."

Renge said dreamily. "But that is because Haruhi is a real gentleman and you all know each other as friends. Truly nice and caring people like Haruhi are hard to come by." She sighed and blushed. "Rich or poor the one who snags Haruhi will be extremely lucky."

All of them nodded as one and said, "That's the truth."

Tamaki made a fist and stared up at the ceiling. "Then my course is clear! I need to make Haruhi my bride before anyone else gets there first!"

"No chance!" Everyone else shouted.

He smirked and said, "We'll see about that." Looking up again he said, "I will propose to my sweet Haruhi tomorrow. I'll offer to share everything I have and even offer her the school's law business. There are all kinds of uses for a lawyer here and we could get Haruhi into any law firm in the world." He smiled. "If I do that, then we'll be able to spend lots of time together being lovey-dovey and having plenty of alone time."

"I can offer her that," Kyoya said sternly. "I do own my family's company even if I let my father and brothers manage it. And as a private detective I can offer Haruhi plenty to keep her occupied at my place."

Renge said, "And imagine all the work I'll throw her way, the way I stalk people and throw my weight around I'll need all the help I can get to stay out of prison."

'True," the boys all agreed.

"But knowing Haruhi, she probably wouldn't want us to just give her work," Honey said. "She's very independent. I bet she wants to be a prosecutor. And she would send us all to jail without a moment's hesitation." The shadows of bars fell over them all with a clang.

The twins nodded. "You're right."

Holding his chin Tamaki said, "As long as they allow conjugal visits…"

Kyoya said, "But if she's married to one of us we'd be immune from her prosecuting that person."

Mori said, "Which would be the only way to stay out of prison if she becomes a prosecutor."

"No kidding. Knowing Haruhi if she becomes a prosecuting attorney and eventually a judge Japan would quickly be free of criminals A utopian society under Haruhi's iron fist. The prisons would be bursting with all the criminals."

"Up until Haruhi hanged us all," Renge said, turning pale. In her mind Haruhi was dressed as the Red Queen from Alice in Wonderland, ordering their deaths.

"So this is about survival," the twins said quietly. Everyone looked at one another. As one they split up running for different doors.

000

Honey got there first. Possibly by design, more likely because nobody dared stand in his way. The others watched from various hiding places around the hallway too scared to interrupt as he approached Haruhi on her way down the hallway.

"Hey Honey, what's up?" She looked around. "Where's Mori?"

"He's not here. I wanted to ask you something."

She smiled at him. "Go ahead."

"Um, you know even though I'm tiny and I like all the cutesy stuff and candies and cakes, that I'm really older than you, right?"

"Yes…"

"So I was wondering… um… do you think you would… you know… ever want to marry me?"

Haruhi smiled broadly. "Oh Honey-sempai… not a chance in hell."

He froze and tears came to his eyes. "It's because I look like a little kid, isn't it?"

"What? Don't be silly. You're adorable and kind and any girl would be lucky to have you."

"Then why…?"

"Well for a start I lost my mother. The last thing I need is to knowingly watch my husband succumb to diabetes. And let's face it, you're probably going to lose a foot by the time you're twenty-five. I don't even really like cakes and things. You're my very good friend Honey-sempai and I hope we stay that way." She kept smiling even as she thought, 'Also you scare the crap out of me sometimes and having sex with you would make me feel like a pedophile. Not to mention you'd slit my throat if I got between you and a piece of cake.' "Is that okay?"

He nodded. "I suppose so. Thanks Haru-chan."

"You're welcome. Now I hear the cooking class is making brownies…" She blinked and he was gone. "Okay then."

000

She noticed Kyoya waiting for her a little later. He was alone in the hallway leaning against the wall and reading his clipboard. Haruhi sighed and slumped her shoulders. "I take it this is going to be a thing."

"You did tell Tamaki that he should be more mature. What's more mature than declaring your undying love. Of course that means the rest of us have to hurry and beat him to the punch."

"Do you have to?" She asked.

He smiled. "Truthfully I wasn't going to. I assume you'll turn him and probably the others down. But I gave it some thought and couldn't take the chance without throwing my hat in the ring. You do keep saying that I'm a good guy. Plus I know I'm rich, good looking, and highly intelligent. My plans for the future coincide with yours and I do find you quite charming and attractive. Together the two of us could do great things."

Haruhi laughed. "Kyoya-sempai, you're going to do great things regardless. And you're right, we'd probably be great together, but I think maybe you need to learn to do some things on your own before you marry anyone. You're really too cool for me. And by cool I mean you're a little cold on the outside." She reached up and patted his cheek. "One day when you meet a girl and can do all the stuff Tamaki can do without flinching you might be ready to get married."

He caught her hand and looked into her eyes. "You have such clear sight Haruhi. Your ability to see things and tell the truth is going to do you a world of good. And I think maybe you could have helped me be the person you think I am deep down."

"Sure, but I'm busy with school and don't have time to spend all day shoveling that pile of manure. I'm not Hercules." He gritted his teeth caught between being insulted and laughing a being compared to a stable full of man eating horses and their shit. "But when you need the occasional kick in the ass until you find someone to do it right, I'll be there."

"Then I suppose that will have to do." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a check. "This is yours."

She took it and her eyes bugged out. Then she folded it and put it in her pocket. "Looks like I eat tonight. I take it the others are all going to take a shot?" He shrugged. She smirked and said, "Well I might say yes to one of them."

Kyoya looked at her. "Is that a possibility?"

"Always was big guy. I mean you're all hot and everything. I'm not blind or completely altruistic. The money also has a certain appeal, especially since I have been hanging out with all of you and seen how it can let you do what you want and help people, but let's face facts, if I was just after that I have my pick of the girls and the guys around here." She pretended to flip long hair she no longer had and walked away.

000

Mori was next. She saw him waiting for her. Then she walked up to him and looked into his eyes. "Well?" He stared back, not saying anything. She smiled and got on her toes, giving him a kiss on the cheek. "You're cute and strong and brave big guy. One day you'll meet a very nice ventriloquist and have an actual conversation." He smiled at her and looked a little longing as she continued on her way.

000

Renge was next. Haruhi smirked and said, "No way."

"What? Why not?"

"You're pretty enough and you're energetic and I even kind of like the otaku thing you're into, but you are way too high maintenance lady. I'm pretty sure you're going to leave a string of broken hearts behind you. Besides didn't you come here to marry Kyoya? You two would make a good couple if you could get past the part where you both play-act your way through life and can figure out how to get along without one of you being in charge."

"What about you?"

"I think you're hot. I just couldn't deal with that screechy Monica Rial voice of yours for the rest of my life. Lawyers have to go out drinking sometimes for work and I don't need that along with a hangover first thing in the morning."

"Hmph," she said and turned away, puffing up her cheeks as she pouted. Haruhi walked past her and Renge suddenly jumped with a squeal.

"You do have a nice butt though."

000

The twins were together when she came across them. "Are you two going to propose?"

"We're a little young for that," Hikaru said.

Kaoru added, 'Though we wouldn't say no to a date."

"And I wouldn't say no to hanging out with you two any time," she said happily. "I just can't be the girl who gets between you, either by picking one of you or literally. One day some girl or pair of girls is going to sweep one or both of you up. I like you both and you know I can tell you apart, but I am so not going to let that be why I marry anybody. Let someone else walk that minefield." She placed a hand on each of their heads and then gently brought their skulls together.

"Ow!"

"Hey!"

She smiled and ruffled their hair. "You two need to learn to live in a world of more than black and white. I mean I'm super hot and smart and it's obvious why everyone loves me, but there are plenty of other girls out there almost as good who I think you two would get along with way better."

Kaoru frowned. "You're starting to sound like the boss."

"No, I sound like my dad, who Tamaki just happens to sound like," she said with a smirk. "I do like to think I take more after my mother and dad's cool with that because A; he knows he's a goof and B: he loved her and likes it when I remind him of her, but I do have certain similarities to both my parents. My dad works hard… dressed as a woman in a club, cares about everyone, and yes we both cross dress, though that's more of a recent thing for me. Truthfully though, my mom died a long time ago and my dad is the one who taught me to dress like a beautiful young woman." She added, "Also I once walked in on my parents when I was very young. There's a reason that incest stuff you guys play at doesn't freak me out. Some of the stuff I know about and would like to try would scare you."

Like what?" Hikaru asked.

Smiling she leaned in and whispered in his ear. After a moment he looked ill and then scared. She turned and walked away as he slumped against the wall, eyes glazed over. Kaoru shook his brother. "Hikaru! Hikaru! What did she say?" He leaned forward and listened to his brother whisper. Then he too turned pale and the two of them fell to the floor leaning against each other while Haruhi giggled.

000

She did not see Tamaki that day even in the host club. He had made his condolences and asked Shiro, the club's auxiliary member from the elementary school. To stand in for him. The "naughty" brat happily agreed, but Haruhi could not get him to tell her anything about what Tamaki had planed. "He was just really confident you wouldn't say yes to any of the other guys."

Around the room the other members of the host club glared at her. Haruhi glared back and they quickly turned around. Then she took her seat with the girls flocking to her.

"Haruhi is it true the whole host club propositioned you?"

"I heard someone say you talked Tamaki out of marrying that one girl while you were dressed as a girl that day."

"So is it true they're all in love with you?"

"And did you really turn them all down?"

"Is it because you're a guy?"

Haruhi smiled and said, "I don't know. If I were a girl would you all hate me?"

"No!" They chorused.

One girl held up a finger, "But I'm not sure I could love you either. My parents would be pissed."

Haruhi reached out and took her hand. "That's a shame. I was raised to love someone for the person they are. If a girl like you could find it in her heart to love me even though I was a girl… well that would just make my heart flutter." She smirked. "You know all the members of the club have all suspected I'm male or female at one time or another and they've all hit on me. Imagine if I'd said yes either way."

The other two were blushing red and they giggled and the girl whose hand Haruhi held had steam coming out of her ears. "Boy. Girl. Tuxedo or wedding dress. I don't care. Marry me Haruhi!"

Haruhi let her hand go. "Sorry, we're too young. Besides, I've already had to rip my heart out turning down proposals today." She dabbed at her eyes as if wiping away tears. "My heart just couldn't take it."

"We're sorry Haruhi."

"We didn't mean to force our feelings on you."

"Can you forgive us?"

She smiled. "Of course. In fact I'm glad to have you here to support me. You girls are wonderful and knowing you're here for me is what makes it all worth while." They all swooned and she shot the other hosts a smile. A caption appeared under her and she was surrounded by a frame of flowers THE HOST CLUB'S NATURAL. HARUHI.

000

Tamaki made his move after the graduation ceremony. Haruhi, the twins, and Renge went to watch the ceremony. It was a long day, but they did get to skip classes and they had summer vacation to look forward to. At least Haruhi did once she got one thing out of her way.

He approached her with the others standing back to watch. She crossed her arms and said, "Okay, what's your pitch?"

Tamaki gripped his roe and flung it away, revealing a white prince's outfit. He fell to one knee and held out a box with a really flashy gold ring and a diamond the size of her eye. "My dearest Haruhi, princess of the host club…"

"There's a title I can do without. You know guys we should have more girls in the club next year. Guys have money too."

"Ahem."

"Sorry. Go on."

"I am here before you laid bare by your brains and beauty offering you this engagement ring and my heart. Either take it or rip it from me and stomp it on the ground."

Haruhi smiled and said, "Yeah, I would…" She reached into her uniform and brought out another gold ring on a chain around her neck. The diamond was smaller, more tasteful. "But I already have one."

"You're already betrothed," the club shouted as one.

Haruhi smiled. "Yep. I was asked last month. Before you even tried running out on us."

"I wouldn't say…"

"Yes, yes, you were sacrificing yourself because you thought we hated the club," she waved a hand dismissively. "Very noble." She looked him in the eyes. "Tamaki I have said this many times but let me be very clear. You never had a shot with me. Nev-er. It's not that I don't like you or think you'll make someone a perfectly fine husband. The problem is, you're exactly like my dad. Except that you are better looking. Do you have any idea how creepy that is for me? It's not even the times you cross dressed. Believe me there's a vast difference between men who like dressing as women as there are anyone else. Hell dude, you even call me your daughter sometimes."

"I was being playful."

"Yeah, well let's just say it put me off men every time. Yeesh. You're a great guy and everything, but I can't date let alone marry someone who reminds me that much of my father."

"Then who are you engaged to?" Honey asked.

"Benibara," she said happily.

"The girl from the Zuka Club?" Tamaki asked. "But she's a girl!"

"Woman," Haruhi said firmly. "And it's not like we're getting married today. It's going to be a long engagement."

"But why her?" Renge said.

"Well she's exactly my type," Haruhi said. "Not perfect. That man hater thing of hers has to go, but I think a lot of that and her goofy thing about the club are more because of peer pressure than anything else. I introduced her to my dad and they get along great, without being in sync." She glanced at Tamaki.

He glared. "When have you had the time to do all of this? We keep you pretty busy and follow you around on weekends!"

"I know," she said. "That's why I date online. She slipped me her email when I helped out with that play. We've been talking for a while and had a few online dates."

"Poor people have the internet?"

Haruhi frowned. "I am going to ignore that. Anyway she proposed to me and I said yes."

"Again, why?" Kyoya asked.

"I'll give you a list. She's beautiful, cool, intelligent, and forthright. She looks good in drag and never once mistook me for a guy or thought I was unattractive or said I had a flat chest." The guys winced. "And when she proposed she did it in front of her whole fan club at Lobelia so that everyone knew she only had eyes for me." She blushed. "I have to say, that was flattering."

"I would have done that," they all said.

"Sure, but you didn't and she beat you to it. She's also a lot different in private away from her club, believe me, and she's working on her flaws. Including that thing where she calls me 'maiden' like I'm some monument to purity." She cleared her throat" Especially when she's not a virgin herself." She smiled and stared into the air. "Which is a definite plus." The boys all blushed red. "But ultimately boys, I c hose who I marry and just because you might want to doesn't mean you get to. Right?"

They all chorused. "Right."

"Speaking of understanding. You boys have fun. I'm taking my fiancé and the check I got from Kyoya and I'm heading to Italy for the summer. Ta-ta!" She blew them a kiss. Nearby a bunch of girls watching squeed and fainted.

Watching her go Kyoya said, "Nice of her to tell us where she was going."

"Right," Tamaki said. "Book us flight on the best jet you've got. Operation 'steal back Haruhi' is now in effect. Everybody ready?" They all cheered. "Then let's pack our bags and go!"

Author's Note

Okay let's admit that Haruhi's love interest pool is full of some pretty goofy guys and some fairly vain and superficial girls. If you ignore her hatred of the host club, which they never really developed or even explained, and her flamboyant tendencies Benibara is actually the best match. She's rich, good looking, cross dresses like Haruhi and her dad, and forward enough to actually profess her love and willing to prove it while not being too much like her dad. Plus dating her neither provides the proof that she's not a boy (at least at a cautious first glance) nor messes up the dynamic of the host club. Meanwhile if she's engaged Haruhi can forget about any other serious relationships and she and Benibara both understand the difference between their real relationship and playing up to their female fans. Something none of said fans would accept without being jealous.

For a more complete romance try reading my books by C.D. Overstreet on especially my newest one "Suicide Pact".


End file.
